Back on track

I am unutterably relieved to post that today's beta went up to 596, from 223 three days ago. IVFer's HCG calculator tells me this is a doubling time of about 50 hours, with the goal being 48 hours. Good enough for government work.

The nurse had no explanation for Friday's way-too-low number. Me, I am leaning toward the idea of a very early "vanishing twin," since we put back two good-quality embryos. Which is sad. I did so want twins, and to me these embryos are babies, at least once they are inside me and growing. There is sorrow in losing one. But I'm grateful that the number went up so well. Hopefully, this means that the remaining embryo is healthy. The overall number is still a bit low for 19 days post-retrieval, but the range for normal betas is very broad, and possibly I had a late implantation.

So I'm still in the game, and just barely sane. My husband just got home and gave me a big hug (he had called on his cell phone after work to get the results, so he already had the good news). He said to me, "So, have you learned a lesson about being more optimistic?"

Given what he's put up with in the past few days, I resisted the urge pinch him very hard. Let's just say that we had a bad weekend at our house. Without my usual therapy for misery--antidepressants, knocked back with a nice glass of crisp, white wine--I was reduced to chocolate cookies and sleeping as much as possible. But I still found a few hours to cry, whine, and act generally morose.

So, I didn't pinch him, or stick my tongue out at him. But I did give him a beady-eyed glare. "No, I haven't. I've had too much bad stuff happen to me with pregnancies." He had the grace to shut up.

So, the next milestone will be my first ultrasound on April 29th, at 6 weeks, 2 days. It's going to be a long wait!

A heartfelt "thank you" to all who posted such sweet, supportive comments. I read them yesterday, and they meant the world.